Q: What is the definition of optimism?
A: An investment banker ironing five shirts on a Sunday night
Q: What is the one thing Wall St and the Olympics have in common?
A: Synchronised diving
Q: What is the difference between a pigeon and a merchant banker?
A: A pigeon can still put a deposit on a Ferrari
I went to buy a toaster and it came with a bank
Q: What do you say to a hedge fund manager who can't short-sell anything?
A: Quarter pounder with fries please
Q: How many commodities traders does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they don't change bulbs; but the trading price of darkness plummets due to oversupply
Entries from a new financial dictionary:
Broker: What my stock adviser has made me
Standard & poor: Your life in a nutshell
Cash flow: The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.